This new year, shed a layer off of yourself that has burdened you all along. I know by the time you read this, you’ve probably read too much philosophical stuff about wearing each layer of experiences as earned lessons of wisdom and for now you are too nostalgic to think damn it.
But I am here to shake you up and tell that everything you were exposed to till now was not a lesson. Every thing you percieve today is not all worth carrying forward.
Question your concepts about love, parenting, how the world politics works, where you come from and who are your genetic ancestors and all the possible geographic regions your DNA might be associated with, your perceptions about give and take and healthy boundaries, how economies function and why is there so much inequality in the world, why some people need faith to sleep peacefully at nights while others choose to question the existence of God(s). How your brain functions and how you can manipulate this organ better than it manipulates you. Keep asking, keep breaking and reforming your concepts then question them again and challenge yourself.
There are so many amazingly mind boggling things than just crying over your ex or the job that you have got rejected at.This year stretch your limits a bit further and I promise you’re going to be safe because most probably than not, you haven’t been quite kind to your self already. Now is the time to think about it.
This year, shed off that friendship that started off with you believing was the best you could have but makes you second guess the incomparable impact you carry with your presence. You are too important of an entity within universe for someone else to take you for granted. Communication is the water to a plant and what do we do when we want it to wilt and not grow stronger roots? We stop watering it. So this year, we are building a boundary and limiting our communication to limit the energy drainage.
I know no one can fill your cup but give your self a break and realize that you need to have more supportive bonds than dependant ones. Dependency is a toxic trait and there’s nothing romantic about it. There is a difference between being a giver and being an over giver. Giving comes from a place of compassion, over giving comes from a place of insecurity and seeking validation and the urge to make people think that you are good. A Giver says “I’m giving you so and so because my cup is full”, an overgiver says “I’m giving you so and so because I expect you to give me something that I cannot create within myself”.
Redirect your source of validation. Ask yourself, What are the things that feed into your concept of who you are, your sense of identity and if they contribute in a positive self image or a negative one and to what extent does it impact you. Is it your job, and the feedback of your manager? Is it your family? Or is it how you perform at your university? Or do you create a sense of self worth regardless of these aspects which is very unlikely.
Consider 2019 as an empty basket that you have effectively consumed all year, and now imagine yourself scraping these burdening sources of validation in that basket because we’re not carrying that into 2020, are we?
Recognize your most toxic trait(s) and leave it with your old calender. It can be anything, but the realization that it is more damaging to your well being more than any one else is crucial to understand how much of your own burden is created by you, ONLY YOU.
And whilst this is the most gifting act you can do for yourself, can I help you with this?
1)Understand that there is no shame in accepting that you have lacknesses, weaknesses, insecurities, unresolved traumas, complexes, repetitive behavioural patterns and/or addictions. And that it is never too late to start working on your self. Why? Because your entire existense and the existence of the universe is ultimately based on change. They say, change is the only constant in the nature. Growth requires change and even though sometimes the process can sting, one of the most healthy traits you can have is to always be open for improvement and accept that you’ll always have room to becoming a better version of your current self.
2) Talk to your family and close friends and ask them about yourself. Researchers point out that most of the times the people closely associated with us know more about us than ourselves and that is partly because they can even observe things that are part of our blind spots. Its one of the healthiest activities towards healing and self affirmation. When they point out something negative about you, don’t panic and don’t respond actively and/or aggressively but analyse it and think about ways you can curb the urge to behave in that particular way.Talking about curbing the urge, one of the most effective ways to resolve your toxic trait is to try and trace down the ultimate pattern or sequence of events which lead you to behave that way. For example, Ask yourself Do you react so and so because something in your childhood made you particularly defensive about such situation?
Or you don’t dress a particular way even though you love seeing it on others because someone in your highschool once made fun of you? Or, you feel uncomfortable at the lunch table with your colleagues thinking no body likes you, not because they told you so but because you’re anxious and all this time you have been mis associating how you felt and blamed the wrong thing or wrong people or the worst, your self. Understanding your feelings and where they might be coming from is essential to cut the roots and to stop watering what is stagnating inside you. It helps you understand where your behavior or your reaction is coming from and in most cases you will realize most of your responses and acts are linked to your past subconsciously and sometimes they are not in your favor.
3) Lastly, do not feel ashamed of seeking help and working on them. Things like therapy and professional counseling, family time/help, self motivation and meditation are tools that are there for to utilize. Its 2020 and its time you kick the stereotypes against seeking therapy in the a**.
Most of our struggles are self created, most of our burdens are nothing but our own baseless assumptions and perceptions that we are not willing to give up. But those are the exact traits that are holding us back and to the worst, are constantly hurting us and those who want to love us and see us at our best.
In the end, know that you are already part of the world’s limited proportion of people who have the chances to think about stuff like growth and better opportunities next year. There is a far bigger chunk who is still figuring out ways to survive hunger, war, economic deprivation and lack of access to basic utilities. You are blessed and gifted and it is not a coincidence. Carry yourself in this new year and a new decade with humble gratitude and promise yourself that you will help the world by becoming a better person. Leave no chance of celebrating yourself each day.
Happy New Year with Love by Mili.